Sex Ed
by SilentThunder23
Summary: In which Naruto almost dies in the first five minutes, Kankurou isn't really paying attention, Sai starts asking uncomfortable questions and Kakashi is the teacher. KankuTen. NaruSaku. Crack. OOC-ness.


**Original Series: **Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden

**Story Title: **Sex Ed.

**Summary: **One-shot. In which Naruto almost dies in the first five minutes, Sai starts asking uncomfortable questions and Kakashi is the teacher. KankuTen. NaruSaku. Crack. OOC-ness.

**Pairing/s: **KankuTen, NaruSaku, ShikaTema. Also SaiIno, KibaHina, NejiHina and KankuTenKiba... if you squint.

**Warning, **OOC-ness, strange behaviour, not really an actualy plot and Konoha High AU.

* * *

The school day was going rather well and then came the class that everyone had been dreading, Sex Ed.

Under normal circumstances, in a normal school, this would probably not be the worst subject in the world but these were not normal circumstances.

"I don't need to learn this stuff, even ask Tenten," Kankurou stated with a mischievous smirk. Tenten blushed furiously with embarrassment before glaring at the brunette. Kankurou took a seat at the back with Kiba, Shino and Hinata, Tenten took a seat with Neji and Lee and Temari took a seat with Shikamaru, Chouji and Ino, she would later come to regret this decision.

Naruto and Sakura sat down; Sai soon appeared with an awkward smile.

"How the hell did Gaara get out of this?" Temari questioned before thinking of her little brother threatening the school, "never mind."

"Yo, most of you should know me as Kakashi-sensei," the silver haired ninja introduced as he walked into the classroom, reasonably on time._ Oh crap, _was the only thought running through Naruto's mind as he smacked his head into the table. "I'll be teaching you about the sex organs and what they are commonly used for."

"I'd like to learn how sex organs are commonly used _with _Sakura-chan," Naruto proclaimed to the class. Sakura gapped at his implication before punching him _through _the desk. To say Naruto had a concussion would be an understatement.

"Who's going to be taking Naruto to the nurse?" Kakashi questioned. Hinata tried to gain the courage just to raise her hand but Sakura's went flying up first. Kakashi didn't even tell Sakura she could leave; the pinkette just dragged Naruto out of the classroom and into the hall.

"Good thinking Naruto," Sakura told the blonde, she'd dragged him far enough away from the classroom that no one would hear them talking.

"You didn't have to hit me so hard," he muttered as he rubbed his head.

"I was a little slow to realising what you were doing," Sakura admitted and the blonde stood up with a smile.

"Will you go out on a date with me?" he questioned and she shrugged.

"I've got nothing better to do."

Back in the classroom, Kakashi had moved right into the lesson.

"Okay, what would the answer be, Kankurou," the silver-haired teacher asked but the brunette was not paying attention. The only thing running through Kankurou's mind was the song playing on his iPod.

_Save me, save me from tomorrow, I don't want to sail with-_

"**KANKUROU!**" Kakashi yelled.

"World Party," Kankurou quickly replied as he pulled the headphones out of his ears. Everyone in the room stared at him blankly. "I'm intituled to my own taste in music."

"I love that song," Tenten muttered.

"I know," the brunette replied with a smirk before looking to the front to see an angry Kakashi, at least he thought he was angry, it was rather hard to tell.

"Kankurou, what's the answer?"

"I don't really need to learn about any of this," the brunette replied, "I kind of already know."

"Leave my classroom," Kakashi sternly stated.

"Can I leave too?" Tenten asked.

"Stop distracting my class, just get out," the two brunettes followed their teacher's instructions, "and check on Naruto and Sakura while your at it."

* * *

At a small restaurant in the centre of town a familiar blonde and pinkette sneezed simultaneously.

"That was weird," Sakura commented, "someone must be talking about us."

* * *

"Has anyone else noticed that our numbers are dwindling?" Kiba questioned, paying absolutely no attention to the lesson being taught. At that moment, Kakashi showed a 'diagram' to the class in an attempt to get their attention. This only led to Hinata fainting.

"Don't worry Kakashi-san, I'll take her to the nurse," Kiba said as he pulled the girl up off the floor and carried her out of class. A couple of minutes later an unsuspecting Neji walked back into the classroom after going to the toilet. He entered looked around to see four people missing and stared in confusion.

"Kiba's taking Hinata to the nurse," Shino informed and the Hyuuga ran out of the room muttering things about 'innocence' and 'evil dogs.'

"Can we carry on?" Kakashi questioned.

Sai moved to take a seat next too Ino and smiled lightly at her. Ino smiled back at him.

"Why do people have intercourse?" Sai questioned and Ino stared blackly at him.

"Uh, well, sometimes it's because they love each other and other times it's just because they want to, on the rare occasion, it's because they're drunk or a sex addict," Ino responded, blushing slightly.

"Oh, will you demonstrate intercourse with me?" Sai questioned and both Ino and Chouji stared at Sai blankly.

"Uh, maybe Shikamaru and Temari can demonstrate for you," Ino replied.

"What?" Temari said, gapping at the other blonde.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"Temari-san, could I possibly watch you and Shikamaru-san?" Sai questioned politely.

"I wouldn't mind watching," Ino added.

"No, you can't," Temari answered.

"Oh, so you do it, we just aren't allowed to watch," Ino responded.

"No," Shikamaru finally added, muttering troublesome under his breathe.

"So we can watch?" Sai questioned. The two couples continued to argue and Chouji found great discomfort in his seat, in between the two arguing couples.

* * *

Kiba finally reached the nurse's office and walked around to the area with the beds to see Kankurou and Tenten lying on one, making out. The two stopped kissing to turn their heads and look at him.

"It's not like you didn't realise what was going on," Tenten muttered.

"Kiba, what did I say about things like this," Kankurou commented from his position under Tenten, "only if you're invited."

"The nurse isn't here," Tenten informed the interrupter as she got off Kankurou and sat on the bed.

"Where the hell is Naruto and Sakura?" Kiba asked.

* * *

Whilst walking along a market street in the centre of town a particular blonde and pinkette sneezed simultaneously.

"Maybe we should go back to school," the blonde suggested and Sakura shook her head.

"Nah, let's go back to your place," she said and Naruto started choking on air. "I didn't quite mean it like that," she said with a blank expression as she watched Naruto slowly gain control of his lungs.

"Yeah, you can help me with homework and such," the blonde said, still finding it a little more difficult then usual to breath.

"Yeah, homework," the pinkette said with a wink and Naruto just gapped at her as she dragged him through the streets.

* * *

Neji ran into the nurse's office as Hinata started coming to.

"Hinata-sama, did he do anything?" Neji questioned and Kiba rolled his eyes. Hinata was now sitting up on one of the beds while Kiba, Kankurou and Tenten sat in a row on another.

"I'm fine Neji," Hinata replied as she stared at him, "I just don't feel like going back to that class." Neji quickly grabbed Hinata's hand and started to walk her out.

"I shall take you home Hinata-sama," Neji told her as he basically ran out.

"So, about that invitation," Kiba suggested and Tenten smacked him over the head. "Guess that's a no."

* * *

All the people that were left in the classroom eventually got to leave when the bell went for the end of the day. Ino and Chouji quickly ran off in any random direction, hanging around with a questioning Sai was not a good idea.

"Hey Shikamaru," Temari whispered, "about that not letting them watch thing." Shikamaru muttered something to the effect of 'troublesome' as he let Temari drag him along. Shino and Lee were smart enough to slip away unnoticed and Kakashi was the only person left to answer Sai's questions. Eventually Kakashi gave up and just gave Sai his copy of Icha Icha.

Yep, looked like tomorrow was going to be the very awkward aftermath.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Some of my muses banded together and tricked me into writing this for them. My muses are very persuasive.  
Sorry for the jumpiness of the story, it just worked better that way.

The song mentioned in here is "Ship of Fools" by World Party.


End file.
